Small things first.

Just got back from vacation. It doesn’t feel like it at all. It was a blur. I know why. It was a lot. I may need a couple of more days too. There is just so much going on right now. In that regard, I know i’m not alone. All this stuff just has me more focused on how I actually want to spend my time and days. I think I want them outside and the ability to move how I want. I require more movement in my daily schedule. I am a pretty all or nothing person. I’m getting cool with it. Trying to slow it all down has led me to the realization of small things first.

I put my head down and just plug away. Even this writing right now is an exercise in commitment and getting it done. Let the ideas lead and follow through with the plan. There are always a bunch of steps when bringing a plan together too. I’m learning this part in spades. The business of creativity is really making me focus. I can’t keep doing things always so inspired. I need to take it one smaller chunk at a time. I think I’m just greedy at times and probably over ambitious. It’s definitely time to start letting time do the work as opposed to me forcing it.

I keep trying to slow down more and not do as much. it’s a wild ass feeling. I know I need the rest, but my mind is fighting it more than it should. I need to leave my environment some times in order to really feel comfortable. It’s time to do one new thing different everyday. That’s the small step for now. Maybe I can crush this monotony by small tweaks. I want to take in major peaks and awesome vistas, but this will have to do for now. This is my way of relearning the steps it takes to climb.

I started this in the morning and now it’s a couple of hours later. It’s time to do things in steps. It’s okay to do things in steps. We have to do things in steps. There always seems to be another idea or way of doing something, but we just try and try again. A routine that calms and excites, does it exist? I hope there is one for me because that is the path I am on right now. I am in search of the new. I’ve heard extreme change can be challenging. I also know we can adapt and often do. The increments start now. I’ve felt the gradual shift taking place in my bones, I just have to act it out now.

I will get paid to talk about art and photography and videos. I will travel the world and continue to write and make music and live off of my art. I thought it was selfish until I just realized that’s who I am. I may have been blocking myself this entire time. How do you learn freedom for yourself? How do you turn a duty into a healthy obsession? How do you show the world you actually care? How do you start to let go of some bad programming or ways you don’t want anymore? I am learning a couple of things this year as usual. I am definitely learning to accept that growth and change surely start with small things first.